Would you like to take back your sexual power and enjoy sex again? I hear all the time from my patients and from my readers…

  • “I’m too busy.”
  • “How can I be in the mood when I’m so tired?”
  • “it’s a chore.”
  • “I’m just not in the mood.”
  • “My body isn’t attractive anymore.”

Ladies, I hear you. We go through daily issues of life, we stop being intimate with our husbands, and we let our jobs, families, and our stress take over. We also let all the negative talk about our bodies take over and we start building a wall between our partners and ourselves. I often see women resenting their husbands because they’re still able to enjoy sex and you’re not. You look at it as a chore, like something you have to get done, you’re not interested, or you’re in an avoidance pattern because it’s uncomfortable. You don’t want to share your body because you don’t like how you feel or look. There are so many layers and reasons that women lose their sexual power.

Why Regaining Your Sexual Power is Important

Losing your sexual power can destroy marriages. It’s a gift to you, to your marriage, and to your children if you figure out how to enjoy sex and create an intimate relationship with your husband. It’s not something dirty. It’s not something to feel ashamed about or embarrassed to talk about. There are solutions. It is completely possible for you to enjoy sex and connect with your husband or your partner, and rebuild that relationship. My guest, Susan, can teach you how to teach your partner how to pleasure you. She is an expert at honing in on enjoying sex again.

 

About Susan Bratton

Susan Bratton is an intimacy expert to millions. She’s a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion. She is the co-founder and CEO of two corporations, Personal Life Media, a publisher of heart-connected love-making techniques and bedroom communication skills, and The 20 LLC, which is a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements and enhanced sexual vitality.

Susan is a best-selling author and publisher of 34 books and programs including, “Sexual Soulmates”, (which you should start with). “Relationship Magic”, “Revive Her Drive, Ravish Him, Steamy Sex Ed”, “The Passion Patch”, “Hormone Balancing”, and “Hot to Trot”. Susan has been featured in The New York Times, on CNBC, and on The Today Show. She has made frequent appearances on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and NBC. You can listen to The Susan Bratton Show, check out her Instagram, and take a look at her Lust for Life supplements.

We are Going to Talk About…

  • Finding your sex drive
  • Deciding if hormone replacement is for you
  • How to encourage blood flow
  • Understanding your anatomy
  • How to incorporate sex toys into your relationship
  • How to communicate your needs to your partner
  • Susan’s best resources

 

Finding Your Sex Drive and Restoring Your Sexual Power

Susan talks about this concept called the matriarchal versus the patriarchal view of sex. As an intimacy expert to millions, one of the things that she really stands for is helping women understand that the way we’ve been having sex has not been in service to our biology and our psychology.

What is the Difference Between Libido and Lust?

The very first place to start is in understanding the difference between libido desire and arousal. Libido is your body’s engine of lust. Testosterone definitely is the hormone of desire. It’s the thing that makes you want sex. So when women go through perimenopause and menopause and their estrogen declines, we actually have higher testosterone to estrogen ratio than we used to. That’s why there are those women out there who are hornier than ever after menopause because that’s working for them and the other systems are functioning too.

 

Hormone Replacement…Is It For You?

Not to say that hormone replacement therapy doesn’t support good sex, it does. Susan mentioned that she takes bioavailable, testosterone, progesterone, and even oxytocin vaginally sometimes when she notices that she’s getting thin. She says that she feels vital and young, her cognitive function is good, and her vulva is rich and voluptuous. She’s having better orgasms, more intense pleasure, and wonderful intercourse at 60 years old.

So low estrogen definitely decimates the vaginal mucosal lining. It thins the tissue in our whole body. We get papery wrinkly tissue and that happens to our vulvar tissue. So, replacing estrogen is helpful. Libido is often mistaken for hormone when in fact it’s a loss of nitric oxide.

What is Nitric Oxide and How Can it Improve Sex?

There is this little gaseous molecule called nitric oxide, that declines as quickly as our hormones do. By the time we’re 50, we have half the nitric oxide production we did when we were in our 20s. We want to get blood flow to our genitals, have good sex, and lubricate. There isn’t a gland in our vaginas that helps with lubrication. It actually is recruited from the blood plasma that goes into our pelvic bowl on arousal and seeps through the vaginal mucosa and wets the tissue.

In addition to that blood flow, is in our pelvis to wet our vagina and get us lubricated when we get turned on. It also plumps up all the tissue. If there’s anything that you’re going to take away is that the first step you need to take if you have low libido, painful sex if you’re not having orgasms as well as you used to, if you are suffering from sensation loss or a loss of orgasmic intensity is to take a nitric oxide supplement. It’s the very first and easiest thing you can do.

Now you can get nitric oxide from your leafy green vegetables, beets, and some herbs. For example, dill has a high nitric oxide production capacity in it. Although we shove ourselves full of greens every day and we eat our daily salads, there is still a lot of nutrient loss in our food supplies. When you’re over 40 a nitric oxide booster is super helpful.

Take Supplements that Boost Certain Nutrients that Support Sexual Response

Susan has a supplement company called The 20 based on the 80/20 rule that 20% of the ingredients give you 80% of the results and those are the ones she put in her supplements. She made a supplement called Flow which is a nitric oxide booster that’s made from organic fruit and vegetables. Most of the stuff that’s on the market is made from vats of pesticide-laden corn syrup in Chinese factories that go through biological fermentation and inoculations and all the chemicals stay right in there. So you’re literally gulping down pesticides when you take those supplements.

Don’t Just Stimulate Your Clitoris

Pound for pound, inch for inch, we have as much erectile tissue as our male body partners. They have about half of their erectile tissue sticking out of their body which is the penis part that you can see, but their penis goes down and inside their body and there’s another whole bit of the corpus cavernosum and spongiosa in there.

We as women have three erectile tissue systems, the clitoral system, urethral system, and perineal system that literally wrap around our entire vaginal canal.So when we think about sexual pleasure and think about the tip of the clitoris with the nerve endings, what I can tell you is that yes, that’s a lovely place to touch, but you can have as many orgasms touching your entire vulva and easily from penetration without even touching your clitoris once you get that tissue activated and engorged. Engorged means filled with blood.

Our male body partners wouldn’t have satisfying sex with a flaccid penis, so why would we be having satisfying sex with a flaccid vulva? The more you play with that tissue, the more you activate it, the more you get the blood flowing in there, the better pleasure, satisfaction, and orgasmic intensity you will have and the more youthful your entire vulva will stay. Because what does blood flow do? It brings oxygenated healing and growth factors to those tissue systems as you age to keep them young and healthy.

Understanding Your Anatomy

Head over to YouTube to The Gutsy Gynecologist and watch this part of the podcast as Susan showed us different parts of the female anatomy to understand our sexual health better.

In the video you will see:

  • Mons pubis at the top. It allows the blood plasma to get in there and create a jacket that feels really nice when it’s expressed or released with orgasm.
  • Outer labia.Legs of the clitoris. Also called the vestibular bulbs. They like kneading and pressure to plump up.
  • Inner labia. The inner labia come up to create the hood and goes down and creates what’s called the fourchette. They’re exquisitely sensitive and they can be an incredible source of pleasure all on their own as well.
  • Vestibule. This is the opening to the vagina.
  • Clitoris. The tip of the clitoris, the head, goes to a shaft that goes up and into the pubic bone.
  • Clitoral arms. They run up inside the vagina.
  • Urethral exit. This is where your urine comes out and your ejaculate comes out.
  • Urogenital sphincter or the introitus. It’s a round muscle like your iris and it is very sensitive. It’s the one when you have estrogen loss that starts to hurt and get thin the most.
  • Urethral sponge or also known as the G spot. This is inside the vagina and is a long tube.
  • Perineal sponge. This is at the bottom inside of the vagina between the rectum and vagina.
  • Perineum. It’s very sensitive and loves to be touched too.
  • Anus. It’s also full of rich nerve endings.

 

A Look Inside Your Vulva

There are the three erectile tissue systems of your vulva. The clitoral tip, the shaft, the arms or Cora, and the legs which are called vestibular bulbs. There’s the urethral sponge with the little rosebud where the urethral exit is inside the door. The opening of your vagina area up above it goes up along the vagina. That’s a whole spongy tissue that loves to be stroked outside and in. There’s your perineal sponge and the opening to your vagina which is exquisitely sensitive and likes pressure. It has mechanoreceptors in it.

Your vagina was built to have orgasms from penetration. We’re symbiotic with the male body partner. If you’re a same-sex partner, or a gender spectrum non-binary, you get 99% of that pleasure. It doesn’t matter. You can stimulate it with toys, dildos, strap-ons, etc. But what’s great about this is that you don’t need to even touch the tip of your clitoris while you’re having penetrative sex because your whole vaginal system is erectile tissue. So once you get it full of blood, it operates on its own without any intervention.

There aren’t some women who can come from penetration and other women who can’t. All women can come from intercourse. All orgasms are a learned skill. There are 20 kinds of orgasms your body can have.

Incorporate Sex Toys Into Your Relationship to Bring Back Sexual Power

There are four kinds of sex toys that Susan thinks should be in every woman’s bedside drawer.

  • The Lady BI vibrator from Fun Factory. This particular vibrator is essentially like a rabbit vibrator. It has two motors. One goes inside your vagina and the other is a pad that goes on the outer clitoral and urethral area. It stimulates you both internally and externally. It trains you to be more internally responsive so you can have vaginal orgasms.
  • The Womanizer. This is an air stimulator. It is basically a clit sucker. Susan doesn’t recommend this as a first toy because it’s not going to train you internally to have orgasms.
  • A pulsator or thruster. This is a hands-free internal vibrator with a G Spot bump. It goes in and out of your vagina on its own. It’s hands-free, weighted, and it’s actually quite heavy. If you’re someone who hasn’t had intercourse for a while and you’re starting to date again, but you’re worried that you’re going to be too fragile, the thruster is a very good vibrator for that.
  • A wand-style vibrator. This has both a rumbling vibe and buzzy vibrations. It’s very good for getting the outer vulvar tissue, the labia majora, labia menorah, perineal area, and the mons. It loves the really deep strong vibration as does the whole clitoral structure.

Use the promo code: Susan and you’ll get a discount on all of these products

Once you start solo pleasuring and you start using them and coming from all these different kinds of vibrators, it’s going to increase your ability to have orgasms with your partner. Your body needs a variety of stimulation to orgasm. That’s why vibrators often come with different patterns because when you give sensation and then take it away a little bit, your body reaches for more sensation bringing you closer to orgasm and making it easier for you to orgasm.

Start with one or two and start cross-training, play with yourself, and use some good organic avocado oil or sweet almond oil.

Pro Tip: Use organic avocado oil or sweet almond oil as a lubricant and not commercial lubricants

Susan doesn’t recommend lubes because they’re FDA class two products and they have to include preservatives. Your vaginal mucosa is a sponge and it sucks up all that crap into your body. Use quality nut oils. You can get whatever you want refined avocado oil or sweet almond oil, but not coconut. A lot of young women use coconut oil because they cook with it. The problem is that it’s antibacterial and for many women, it disrupts their vaginal microbiome.

How Do We Talk to Our Partner About This?

One of the most fundamental skills that Susan teaches is in her book called Sexual Soulmates: The Six Essentials to Connected Sex. It’s a free download. The Sexual Soulmate Pact essentially deals with the problem that for the masculine, he wants to give you incredible pleasure. He’s testosterone dominant, which makes him overly confident and he thinks he’s better than he is. When he receives feedback, he takes it as criticism because, in the masculine domain, there’s a pecking order.

This sexual soulmate pact is an agreement that you strike with your partner. The book is written more for him than for you, in all honesty. This is to help you get him to realize that he will be a winner and you will respect him more. He wants to be respected for doing a good job and he wants to give you incredible pleasure.

So if you give him feedback that tells him he’s not giving you incredible pleasure, then everything’s ruined because he can’t take it. This teaches you how to do it in a ninja way where he loves it and wants you to tell him more. He suddenly realizes the magic of your feedback, which then emboldened you to give it and you suddenly get a sense of what you really want because you’re not afraid to say anything. All of a sudden your body starts telling you what she wants. You are tuned in to her, your intuition is dialed up, and your body image issues start going down.

 

Susan’s Best Resources

  • Supplements that are in her store. One of her favorite supplements is Desire. It’s a 90-day daily multivitamin multi-mineral supplement with libido botanicals built-in. They are methylated B’s super high quality, highly bioavailable, and very absorbable B vitamins inside this product. Most daily vitamins are using folic acid and unmethylated B’s. At least a third of us aren’t even absorbing them. Not only are we not absorbing them, but we’re also poisoning ourselves because we can’t absorb them. So we’re filling our bodies up with things like folic acid, which actually hurt our methylation and detoxification pathways.
  • Check out one of several of Susan’s websites. She has a whole series called Come With Me. It’s 20 different kinds of orgasm exploration and she explains in great detail how to have every single one of the different kinds. It’s all free.
  • Check out her sex techniques. She has a video website with over 200 free techniques.

 

To Wrap It Up

I nerd out on the anatomy and the physiology of it all but I’m excited again. I want to have a better sex life and regain my sexual power too. My sex life is pretty good, but there’s always room for improvement. I want you to go check out her resources, be open to trying some things, and get creative. Get back in tune with enjoying life. Life is not just about going through the motions every day, dealing with health issues, struggling to take care of your kids, or paying the bills. There’s so much more to you, to your life, and to your relationship with your partner.

Really tell yourself, I want more! I desire that intimate connection, more joy, and more orgasms in my life. You can make it happen! This could be a game-changer for you. I’m talking about saving marriages and keeping families together just because you have better sex. It really does make a difference.